don't get used to it

Something that I have learned as a rookie mom: once you get used to something, it changes.

Case in point: once we get used to William's sleeping schedule being one way, it changes. But what should I expect? He is changing and growing every day, even in ways that I can't see.

Last night was a night of grace. William went to bed around 8:30 with a smile on his face, after a nice warm bath and bedtime snack. I was tense most of the evening, waiting for him to wake up with a roar. He slept on. Around 2 a.m., I woke with a start and accidentally woke up David in the process. I couldn't resist it: I turned on the monitor to see if I had heard the baby muttering or beginning to cry, but I didn't. So I finally tiptoed into his room to see if he was still alive. (Yes, I also worry that if I don't hear from him, something terrible has happened). He had his little arms thrown out to the side, and he hadn't even kicked his blanket off of him. He was out like the proverbial light. Relieved and feeling somewhat foolish, I tiptoed back to bed. I didn't hear a peep out of him 'til 5:45 a.m. At that point, I was so excited he had slept through the night that I dashed right in there to nurse him.

"Thank you, sweet boy," I whispered to him as we curled up together on the bed in his room.

David came in a little while later to kiss us both goodbye before he left for work. "William is such a good boy for his mommy," he whispered to us.

Oh, my, yes. It was like William somehow knew how stretched to the limit I was, and he decided to help me out. Now, rationally I know that most, if not all, babies go through phases. Sometimes, they regress for a little while. Sometimes they are working on some cognitive or physicial change that keeps them awake when they should be asleep. Usually, it lasts for awhile, and then they move on. But it was hard to be rational when your baby was in tears every 45 minutes or so all night long and you didn't know how to help him. It was so frustrating that I can barely articulate it except to say just that: it was so frustrating! I apologized to David for being so despondent, but he understood. It was just a bad spell, he told me. It will eventually improve. And it did.

Two steps forward, one step back, I guess. I hope that tonight goes okay, too. If not, well, at least we had a decent night's sleep last night. And surely we'll have more later, too, right?