worrying

So is it normal to worry about your child all the time?

I know that my parents say that they still worry about me to this day. They always want me to call them when I return home from a trip, to let them know that I arrived safely. I always sort of rolled my eyes at that (but complied) until William was born. Now I'm the mom who tiptoes into the baby's room to make sure that he's still breathing. I'm the one who worries that maybe I didn't swaddle him right, that the blanket will get wedged up around his face and that he will smother to death, and it will be all my fault.

Last night, David dressed William in his footy pajamas and cotton blanket and put him to bed aroun 9 p.m. We didn't hear a peep out of him again until about ten minutes 'til 4. But I woke up several times between 1 and 4, worrying that he wasn't okay. I fretted that he had stopped breathing, that something horrific had happened. I worried because the nursery monitor isn't sensitive enough to pick up the sounds of a baby breathing quietly, so the monitor did me no good.

All the info that I had read about SIDS swirled around in my head, even though we had taken all the correct steps to reduce the likelihood. There are no pillows, no loose fabrics in the crib, no soft toys to fall over on the baby's mouth and cut off his airway. The bumpers ere tied tightly to the rails of the crib. The room was cool, and the baby was wearing a sleeper that fits him perfectly (no extra material to get caught up by his neck and mouth).

I had to make myself not get up and check on William. That's despite the fact that I was exhausted and just wanted some uninterrupted sleep. That's despite the fact taht I moan and groan over the nights when he does wake up at 1 or 2, wailing for someone to feed him or soothe him or just love him.

It was a weird relief when I finally heard William cry out at ten minutes 'til 4, ready for a pre-dawn meal. I groped for my slippers on the floor and made my way to his room to find him pink-faced, waving his arms and kicking up his legs, healthy as can be.

Does this crazy worrying lessen once I get used to him sleeping in his own room? After all, we just put William in his own room about a week ago? Am I eventually going to be able to enjoy the wonderful nights when the baby sleeps for long stretches--and I will be able to, too? Will I stop worrying about him breathing at night and start worrying about other things? How on earth do you parents do this, when the worries begin to cluster at the base of your brain when you're trying to sleep? How do you ever get anything done?